Author: Leigh Howes

A week away at my parents to clear the cobwebs and make room in my over busy head for lots of new stuff.💪🏻

That said.

Today I disappointed myself. Today my courage didn’t serve me. I’m not actually brave enough right now to share more of this tale but I will. In time.

What am I most proud of though?

The feelings attached to my lack of courage didn’t stay. They haven’t hung around for long because I had a little dig into the toolbox I carry about now and worked through it.

I’d rather it didn’t happen. BUT. It does. It will. I’m still me. Just better equipped to cope I think.

So. When I got through the dip.

I rose up.

Then. I got back on the horse AGAIN. Jeez, I’ve had a few falls from this bloody thing.😜

I spent the morning with like minded business women refreshing skills on how to network. Always learning. Never ever done.

Networking is great when we go into it in the right way. When we see the relationships we can take time to build and nurture.

Someone asked me today. Where do you get your business from?

Honestly. For me personally, it’s not really social media. Well, not on its own. Historically, it’s through the networking I do. Through building relationships. Building trust. Building credibility. Having the solution available when the person most needs it. When their time is right.

So. Today finished well. In fact. It started well. It just had a little pot hole on my journey in. I saw it. I steered around it. No damage was done. I know for next time that it’s there.💪🏻

Love and light for your pot holes.🙏🏻

 

I know I’m privileged to, in some small way help people feel more motivated, more inspired, more capable to do bigger things.

But.

You know what. Sometimes I don’t take my own advice. Sometimes I struggle. Sometimes I just feel useless. I feel overwhelmed and I feel like I just haven’t got what it takes to do all that I visualise.

Yesterday evening I felt exactly like that.

I feel like the last week I’ve forgotten everything I’ve learnt. I’ve bit by bit felt like I have slipped back into the hamster wheel and I’m feeling the pressure of all the things I want and need to do.

Then I’ve beaten myself up as I think, you’ve literally just come back from a break, how are you back here so quickly?

I know it will pass. I know I’m not alone and I know that there will be a lesson to take from it. I also know when I feel like this, I need to just step off the wheel and move away. Close down the tabs, you cannot expect a full cup to fill back up with good stuff when it’s overflowing already.

But. When you are in it. It’s not a pleasant place.

So. I cried. A lot. You know, those ugly sobbing tears.

However. There is a lesson right there.

Better out than in.

I’m good at wearing a mask. I’m good at pretending even to myself that everything is ok.

A good ugly cry is like an internal cleanse for me. It actually feels lighter afterwards. I feel worn out but actually better to have done it.

Holding on to our emotions does not help us heal. Holding on to our emotions just makes us like a pressure cooker ready to burst at the smallest thing.

When I feel like this now. I know I’m overdoing it. That it’s time to switch everything off and just kick back and relax. Not easy but necessary.

It also has made me realise something valuable. All the time I was undergoing my gruelling treatment, I was willing myself to be normal again.

But what is normal? I don’t want my normal back as it was what actually made me sick in the first place. Why would I want that back?

The perspective I talk about with so much passion has been slipping. I’ve started to forget. Who would have thought that it is even possible to forget?

No. I won’t forget. Perspective is what teaches me the value of every day I’m here. I have a new normal and my mission is to keep it going as it’s a better and calmer place for me to reside. The importance is that I don’t forget this.

So. I’m semi through it. I’m bruised but only slightly and these little bruises will heal. I’ll make sure of that.

I’m not after sympathy, I’ve just learnt that our experiences shared can sometimes help someone else. I therefore hope my lessons help you be stronger too.

Tears. Let them flow. No matter where you are at in life. We are all human and sometimes vulnerability is the start of great things.

With love and light for a lovely weekend.

 

 

This morning as I took some time to read a great book I’m reading (Maeve Binchy – love her stories), a sentence in it completely resonated with me.

It came from a discussion with two ladies: regards some issues the elder of the women had been experiencing with her mental well-being and of feeling ‘un- balanced’ that she had not acknowledged.

“Well that’s what it is, isn’t it? You’ve got the balance wrong. You need someone to help you mend the scales. Like as if you had a broken leg. It wouldn’t heal without someone to set it”

“I don’t need a doctor”

“We all need a doctor some time along the way. Why don’t you try it? It’s it’s no use then it’s no use, but at least you gave it a good try”

This week in my professional circle, I sadly became aware of yet another high profile suicide. Someone who on the outside appeared to have it all. Yet was evidently suffering.

We hear more and more of high profile suicides. However, there are many more not high profile that we don’t hear about. Sadly, most of us now know of someone in our own circle. The single biggest killer for Men under the age of 45 is suicide.

As a Mum of two boys. I feel compelled to take action now to help them get mentally strong as well as physically, in order to cope with life of today.

We are exposed today to so much ‘perfection’. In our lifestyle, our physical appearance, our achievements, our mental wellbeing. Yet most of it is filtered. However, it is killing us more today than ever before.

I can’t even begin to understand how fragile a mind needs to be in order to think that death seems far more appealing than living. But that’s the thing isn’t it, you can’t comprehend it, so people hide it, they might not even recognise it in themselves, they just know that they feel so different to the perfect lives they see around them and this, without acknowledgement or treatment gets worse and worse like a pressure cooker – until BOOM. Suicide becomes the only way out.

Why do we think it’s ok to call a doctor to fix an imbalance in our physical being? It’s normal for us to do this. We have a sore leg, a headache, a tummy ache, the flu. We call a doctor or go to A&E.

Yet. We still see it as abnormal to get help to deal with an imbalance in our mind.

Our mind is one of the most powerful tools we have to stay well. It is either our friend or our enemy and we need to look after it, nurture it, cleanse it, care for it as much, if not more than our physical body.

I’ve not experienced depression myself. I’ve not felt fragile enough that I have needed help. However, I’ve learnt what horrendous anxiety feels like, I’ve learnt that I have thoughts and feelings that I know are not in line with ‘my normal’. I’ve also learnt that at some point soon I might need some help to balance back my scales as I can’t always do it on my own. I’m not ashamed to admit it and I refuse to be ashamed of taking the action I need to do it either. None of us should.

How many of us are feeling unbalanced mentally right now? How many of us are putting on a mask and pretending all is ok because we feel like we don’t have a choice?

Please don’t. Talk to someone. You are NOT alone.💕

A sore on a leg if left can become infected, if infected it can get worse and before you know it, it has impacted your blood, other organs…… if we took early action with the sore, we can prevent the more serious issues. This is the same with our mind. Know that strength comes in taking action and action cures fear.

What good is a long life where doctors can fix almost any ‘physical break or issue’ when your mind is being held together with sticky tape.

We should raise this issue. Make it normal to talk about. Make it as normal to have your ‘mind doctor’ as speed dial in your phone as you do your own GP.

Please don’t suffer alone. Seek help. We all have such a lot to live for, if we can just get our scales balanced and our head loved once more.

Let’s work together to support each other. Together let’s make it normal to speak about our mental health as well as our physical health. Together let’s take action get our ‘mind’ scales back in balance.💪🏻

Speak up – you are NOT alone.🙏🏻

 

3.5 years ago I took a break from 33 years of horses, for reasons I won’t go into here.

BUT

I had a massive void. Horses gave me so much – not just regular exercise that kept me semi-fit but it totally kept me sane. When I’d had a bad day, just being around my horse and being outside, whether riding or taking care of her was enough to clear my head and close those tabs I bang on about.

I hadn’t realised the impact stopping would have.

I tried running, I tried the gym (that is definitely not for me), I got a personal trainer for home, I tried Joe Wickes work outs. All of it, didn’t make my heart sing.

Through all of this, I learnt that I’m an outdoors person. I need quiet to recharge, I love being on grass, by trees, just in fresh air. I also learnt that I needing help slowing down, not help speeding up, because sitting still and relaxing was a challenge for me and my overactive mind.

Happiness and exercise release serotonin and I wasn’t really experiencing either of these. We all need serotonin, particularly women. Maybe that was why I got sick, who knows?

Then I got a bike. This ticked so many boxes. Outside, fresh air, quiet, meet ups with friends. I still love it BUT the bike doesn’t need me, so habits were hard to create and the consistency was a bit hit and miss.

Then as you know in December, little Poppy joined our family.

Like my horse at the time, she needs me. She needs daily stimulation and exercise to keep her sane. This then forces me to take time every day away from what I am doing. Sometimes, I think I haven’t time for it but then it’s 30 minutes – 1 hour. Seriously, has my day not got time to STOP, pause and walk in the fresh air for this amount of time?

7 months in and I honestly love it. I’ve been more present than I’ve been since I stopped riding, I’ve found walks that I didn’t even know existed direct from my house and met so many lovely people who I otherwise wouldn’t have got the chance to chat to. Equally, I’m more creative because I pause. I cannot find inspiration in a full mind, I need to down tools to have room for more ideas. I have more clarity on my vision than I’ve ever had before.

Poppy is so good for us all as a family, but, in all honesty she has been the extra healing that I needed and I am a total addict to walking her.

I’m starting to feel the urge to get back in the saddle but for now, I’m happy being a daily dog walker.

I’m present. I’m happy. I’m slowing down, all with my new bestest furry mate.❤️

#leighhowes #pause #nature #business #life#strategist #coach #inspiringchange #trainer

Recently I went live over in one of my facebook groups on this very subject. I was prompted to do so because during a number of sessions with clients, I realised that so many of us do not prioritise the stuff in our diary that truly light us up, brings us joy, makes our heart sing.

Why is that?

During my live, I asked what are the things that make your heart sing – the list varied from person to person obviously, but some common trends seemed to be:-

‘Walking outside, the sound of the waves, watching a good film curled up on the sofa with my kids, walking on the sand, reading a great book, the sunshine on my face, being present with those I love, beautiful music, good company, being creative, walking the dogs, pampering time alone, walking in the woods, eating out’.

I wonder. What makes your heart sing? Really makes you go to bed knowing you have been present and had a really awesome day? I truly believe those moments of happiness are what life is about. Fulfilment in our work forms a huge part of this too. When we are happy, we can be a better parent, a better partner, a better friend, a better colleague and guess what, we grow in confidence, therefore our performance can increase too.

Yet, despite us knowing these things – too many of us don’t make our happiness a priority. This is not my assumption, this is what I am being told. Simply, by sharing my thoughts during the live, I had feedback that actually whilst they took the time to realise the things that make them happy, they also had a realisation that they are NOT doing them. How mad is that?

I include myself in this. I can, without discipline, forget that I am important. Forget that if my cup is empty that actually, I haven’t anything left to pour. Forget that if there isn’t fuel in the tank, I cannot continue with the drive I need to make progress. Worst of all, without the oxygen mask on me first, I haven’t any energy left to help those I care about the most.

I went through a major health challenge this time last year. I won’t get into this here as it is a whole topic of its own. Suffice to say it began with C and ended in R – you get my story. I am one of the lucky ones and you don’t go through this without getting a huge kick up the ass along the way.

It is for this reason that I am flying the flag for making YOU a priority. Without our health we do not have anything left to give. Trust me, I know. I truly believe that doing more of what makes our heart sing, combining this with the discipline to put ourselves first we can live a happier, less stressful life and go all in with the ambitions that then give us the fulfilment we also crave. It is NOT selfish to put your needs first to be able to give more to others. It IS selfish to neglect your wellbeing and try to sustain running on an empty tank though.

To conclude me on my soap box today, I wanted to share my 7 top tips for you to go DO MORE OF WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY:-

1. Write a list. That is it, take the time to write down the things that make you smile, make you laugh, make you feel with complete and utter joy. Spread the love, why not do this exercise with your family too, see what things you love to do together as well as individually.
2. Review this list. On a scale of 1-10 (10 being doing all the time), mark how often you do these things.
3. Where you have low ratings 6 or less, review why this is? What is getting in your way? What stops you doing these things? What do you need to change in order to make them more of a priority?
4. Review your diary. Do you plan it quarterly/monthly/weekly? Do you have meetings in here/appointments you need to attend/things you need to do? Cleanse this. Add in your ‘out of control time – work schedule for example’ then add in ‘your time’. Whether that be the gym, or a walk at lunchtime, or after work, in the middle of the day, whatever it is – schedule in the diary like you would a meeting. Then do not cancel it, treat it like you would a hot lead/new client or your boss. MAKE IT HAPPEN.
5. Turn off your notifications when you are in those moments for you. BE PRESENT. It is myth that we are great if we can multitask. You can BE BETTER in any given moment if you are purely focused on that task. Equally, some discipline around your smart device in my opinion makes everyone’s heart a little happier. Taking our phones to bed means we neglect our downtime, our partner. Waking up to our phones as our alarms means we are more likely to lose ourselves in something on our screen than greet our family positively. These devices bring us closer together globally but can pull us further away from those closest to us. I try to have a non phone day completely on a Sunday and I avoid social media where possible on a Saturday. The break really does restore my sanity.
6. Get outside. Look Up. Whether this is on your list or not. Fresh air, sunshine, looking up at the sky is scientifically proven to improve our mood and make us happier. Make sure that you schedule time away from your desk to do this – you may think you haven’t time, but I speak from experience when I say, you really haven’t time not to. It will make you a whole lot more productive when you return with a clearer head and a happier heart.
7. Gratitudes. Whether you think people that practice them are mad or not, they really do work. My view – you cannot be grateful and sad/negative at the same time. CHOOSE your mood.

I hope that you have found this useful, do let me know your hacks on things you do to make sure your day is filled with as many happy moments as possible.

Are you a Small Business Owner? For more tips and advice come on over to my facebook page – www.facebook/growwithleigh. I also will have a members area with a heap of talented leaders and business owners who will be sharing so much incredible information to help you grow your business. With a ridiculously low founder member rate for our first 100 members too. This will be going live in June, drop me an email if you want to know more at hello@https://leighhowes.com.

Are you a Female feeling frazzled wanting to get better at making YOU a priority and be amongst cheerleaders who force you to take YOU seriously? Why not join my facebook community leigh&friends for a safe place to avoid burn out and make you a priority.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/175279283202314/?multi_permalinks=205476876849221&notif_id=1525348668425809&notif_t=feedback_reaction_generic&ref=notif